The Good, the Bad, and the Grace of Growing in Between

How in the world have three months gone by since my last blog post?

I suppose the simple answer is life.

I also suppose the not-so-simple answer is the same, but with more detail.

Yes, life has this habit of happening all around us, whether we’re actively involved or not.  Some things we’re ready for and can handle.  Some, not so much. And others, well they shake you, rock you, and sometimes, they break you.  When they do, the days seemingly pass by slowly in your mind, and then all of a sudden, at the speed of light, three months (or more) goes by.

The first quarter of this year did not go as I had planned.  Some things went better than planned, and others were nothing I could have ever anticipated.

In full disclosure, this blog post will eventually get around to fiber, but as it does, there will be some pretty raw emotions that come out.  The kind I’m so much better at writing about than saying aloud.  My hope, as always, is that my words resonate with someone, and maybe help them through their own raw or difficult time.  Whether the situations are similar or not doesn’t matter, sometimes the words just have a way of consoling, relating, or providing understanding.

To get you to now, let’s go back to the things that have kept me quiet, searching for why, and moving past what hurts…

After more than a year of battling exhaustion, anemia, and health issues that I mostly kept to myself, family, and some close friends, 2025 ended and 2026 began with lots of appointments with different physicians.

• January 2nd: After a visit with a specialist in December, I received my first iron infusion.
• January 6th: I had an endoscopy to determine if there were abnormalities or internal bleeding that were causing the extremely low red blood cell counts and low iron store levels in my body. (Spoiler alert, I had 4 bleeding ulcers that had likely been there for a very long time – so yes, internal bleeding)
• January 9th: I received my second iron infusion.
• January 11th: A text from my daughter that changed everything.  Because I didn’t agree with her opinion of world events at that time, she let out a barrage of hateful words that left me feeling like I had been smacked across the face.  Then, her final words to my simple text that said “Enough Jes, just enough.”  “Fine, you want enough? I’ve been thinking of going ‘no contact’ with you for a while now.” Although I explained that was not what I wanted and that it would be a decision she was making, she did, in fact cut all contact with me.  Social media blocks, family location services removed, and then nothing but silence.  Mind you 5 days prior we were thanking each other for our holiday gifts and exchanging ideas and recipes.
• January 23rd: A call from my son while I was visiting my mom in CA wanting to know what happened between me and his sister and his insistence that we work things out and that I needed to reach out to her.  My reply was simple.  No.  Not because I was being stubborn, but because I love my daughter unconditionally, and even though everything that happened completely broke my heart, I loved and respected her enough to respect her decision, even if I didn’t understand it or agree with it. He hasn’t contacted me now for more than a month as I write this.
• January 27th:  My birthday.  Celebrated in CA with my mom and a close friend I have known since second grade.  Hundreds of Happy Birthday wishes from Facebook and other online friends and some strangers, yet not a single wish from either of my children.  My heart broke yet again. 

In February, I had surgery on my wrist of my dominant hand.

In March I flew back to CA to surprise my mom (with the help of my aunt and uncle, my close friend, and two of my mom’s knitting guild friends) for her 80th birthday.  We did indeed surprise her. It was wonderful!

At the end of March I also finished a huge project and submitted my book proposal draft to my book coach, which we’ll be reviewing and getting ready for actual submission later this month.  This has been a whirlwind of an amazing experience that began in December.  I’m excited, nervous, giddy, tired, and did I mention excited?

There were other things that happened in the first part of the year… a truck breakdown on the way to teaching a class (which has been rescheduled), festival teaching acceptances, collaboration on my felting kits, classes at Yarn & Honey in Great Falls, more writing, and some online classes for myself on business, gardening, and food preserving.

The second quarter of the year is off to a busy start with my show season starting in a couple of weeks, a revamp of my entire felting kit line, more writing (because a book doesn’t just write itself), and a slow quiet realization that despite the good and the heartbreaking, fiber has gotten me through most of it…

Spinning, because it relaxes my mind and helps me breathe while I listen to meditation music or positive and motivational podcasts (about knitting, a slow hand made life, intentional living, and navigating my way through the pain).

Knitting, because it allows me to be creative while designing patterns, two of which are complete and releasing soon.  It also allows me to connect with other knitters and craft people at our local “Sip & Stitch” each week. And during the winters (even this mild one) in Montana, connecting with others is important.

Felting, which I have had to put back on hold after a fall that involved the hand I just had surgery on four weeks ago.  Maybe it’s a reminder to just step back?

Processing raw fleeces, because it reminds me how much I love working with raw wool from a beautiful animal and making it become something more than that dirty, greasy wool.  I’m currently working on Shadow’s fleece, Stormy’s Fleece, and back to Joplin’s fleece after some time away from them.

My fiber and regular life have become so busy again that I find myself re-evaluating everything once more.  There is so much I want to do, several things I don’t really want to do anymore, things I’ve started and haven’t been able to, or just haven’t gotten back to (like a podcast that pulls at me each day to record something or updating my website).

If there is anything the first quarter of the year and fiber have, and are teaching me it’s this:

• Anything can happen in the blink of an eye.  
• You can think everything is great – and then suddenly – it’s not.  
• Life hurts sometimes, but it goes on.  
• While not every situation is ideal, there are reasons for them and things to learn from them.  Often, the things we learn (or re-learn) are that we aren’t in control of any of it.  
• Dirty things can become beautiful with a little effort. 
• Grieving those who are still alive is a very different kind of grief.  
• Sometimes one step at a time (either forward, and sometimes backwards) are all we can manage – and that’s okay. Really, it is. 
• And I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning this year is to give myself a little grace while I stand firm in trusting myself with all that is tossed my way.

My life isn’t perfect, and I imagine yours isn’t either.  So please, learn to give yourself a little grace too in this crazy time and world we’re living in. Learn to appreciate what you do have at this moment, and give yourself the freedom to grieve things, and maybe people no longer part of your every day life.  And, quite possibly, more than anything, give yourself permission to look forward to, or maybe take a step back from things, and gain perspective in either direction.

If any of this resonated with you, please feel free to leave a comment below.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and perspectives too!

~Tammy