What the Future Holds… Finding Peace Beyond Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting to get a different result.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that quote.  You think I would have understood it by now.  Clearly, that hasn’t been the case… until very recently. 

I’ve always been busy.  I always say I don’t want to be.  Then, after lightening my load, I’m busy again.  This cycle of insanity has been repeated in my life for as long as I can remember.  It ends today.  And for those of you who have heard me say something like this before, please understand this time is VERY different.

Why, you ask? “Why is this time going to be any different than the past, Tammy?”

Here’s why, plain and simple…

Because for the first time in my life, I’m taking back the control I have over my life and I’m holding myself accountable and to a different standard than I ever have before.  Because my life is too short to always be busy.  And because my life is more than dollar signs.  My life is more than the next-best-thing, and now more about the “next-real-thing.’  

What brought all of this on?  What made me finally see that I’ve been living the definition of insanity?  Boy, these past months have provided more lessons in the realization than I can ever have imagined. But it wasn’t until this past weekend’s fiber festival that I truly understood what I was doing to myself.

It’s no secret I’m exhausted most of the time, even without the health issues I’ve been facing over the past year or so.  I wake up pretty tired, push through my day, and fall into bed utterly worn out and sore from whatever my day’s activities have been.

I’ve been trying for so long to find my way and figure it out.  I’ve also been trying to make a living and pay my bills.  At the age of 56, this is not where I thought I would be in life.  I’m sure part of that has to do with the idealistic version of the life I want to live.  Other parts are due completely to my life choices and decisions over the years.  I can look back at specific moments and think about other decisions I could have made and wallow in regret, but the truth of the matter is that I’m the only one responsible for those choices and wallowing in anything doesn’t do anyone, especially me in this case, any good.

The truth is, if I hadn’t made all those decisions, I wouldn’t be where I am now, or at least not at this time in my life.  I’m very lucky to be able to work for myself doing something I’m truly passionate about.  I’m also lucky enough to work for one of my favorite people to supplement my income during slow times in my business or when unexpected expenses arise.

So what is it that I want – now that I know I don’t want to be living the definition of insanity anymore?

I want slow, quiet, peaceful mornings at home, in my yard, my garden, with my animals, and my other half.  I want time to do the things I love, and not  just the things I need to do.  Things like actually spinning my own yarn, riding horses, processing wool, and especially writing.  I don’t want to have to “make time” for these things because they are the things that fill my soul and make me feel alive.  I want to remember why I like to teach and inspire others and not just because it’s my chosen profession.  I want to spend time with my sheep just sitting in the pasture with him (and the lambs) while I design knitting patterns – or – just knit something for myself.  And when the warm summer turns to cooler weather, I want to enjoy the time in our cabin, curling up with a book, my knitting, my spinning, and my notebooks to write.

I want a less harried life and a much more meaningful one.  I want to spend time with friends and family and not “work them into my schedule.”  They should be the schedule that I work all the other things around.  Because at the end of the day, what matters most are the people and experiences we create, remember, and hold on to.

The announcement in this blog and post may come as a surprise to many of you.  The truth is, this has been on my mind for quite some time.  Some of you close to me have heard me talk about it for at least the last two years.  I guess 2026 is the time to start implementing that plan.

Now before you panic, no, I’m not quitting entirely.  I’m forging a new direction.  One that doesn’t require me to spend endless days working or being on the road, but instead lets me do what I love where it’s most meaningful to me.

For the next couple of years I’ll be shifting my focus.  My focus for my business will be writing, teaching, and designing knitting patterns – truly, the parts of my business I love. 

What this means is that I’ll be phasing out the live vending and retail side of my business.  For now, I plan to continue my online website for purchases (look for a revamped website in the fall).  I have one more show to vend at this year, along with the couple of local holiday shows in and around my little hometown.  Next year, those three shows (Trailing of the Sheep, the Helmville Bazaar, and the Lincoln Christmas Bazaar) will be the only live shows I have a booth at, and depending on how things look, they may, or may not be shows I continue to pursue in the future.

I will continue teaching at festivals where I already have a relationship, and consider a couple of others.   I’ll continue to apply to teach at Maryland Sheep and Wool because who wouldn’t be honored to teach at one of the most renowned festivals?!?  If you know, you know 🙂

I’ll excitedly continue to work with my book coach and continue writing a book I believe will help many spinners and fiber artists, and yes Sylvia (you know who you are), I’m working on Oliver’s Mitten’s as well.  I’ll be so excited when the books are finished and published, but they still need to be finished being written and one of them will also need illustrating.

I have three patterns still to release in 2026 (Yarn & Honey’s “Life is Sweeter Wrap” in September, Unicorn Fluff’s “Enchanted Huckleberry Forest” in October, and Lone Pine Wool Emporium’s “Lone Pine Poncho” in December).  I also spoke with a couple of new folks at this past weekend’s Greycliff Fiber Festival about designing patterns for them for 2027.

I leave to teach a retreat at the Nome Schoolhouse the first week in August and then make my way to Allegan for the Michigan Fiber Festival.  I’m excited about both and some windshield time to do some more thinking about the future without the insanity.

I’ve had a lot of reflection time, and honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever been more excited for the slower pace and what lies ahead.  If you’ve been thinking (or even dreaming) of something more meaningful and slower, I invite you to take a little time for yourself and think about the things that are important to you, now, and in your future.  You might surprise yourself with what you want and your own decisions to get there.